What the Doshas Can Teach You About Your Relationships and Love Language
Knowing your Ayurvedic type can have a profound impact on your well-being, not only by teaching you how to fine tune your lifestyle and daily routines to keep you happy and healthy, but also by helping you understand how you interact with others.
Your dosha has a major influence over your strengths and vulnerabilities, and these attributes extend from how you behave and think as an individual to the way you are in all types of relationships.
Your dosha—whether vata, pitta, or kapha—influences what you contribute to the partnership, what is necessary to make the relationship complementary and fulfilling for you, and how you show your love and affection.
Below is an overview of what’s essential within relationships for vata, pitta, and kapha to thrive. If you don't already know your dosha, take a moment to check out Banyan's free dosha quiz before you proceed.
Looking at Doshas and Relationships from an Ayurvedic Perspective
In the same way you strive to balance your dosha, a relationship must feed the elements that already exist within an individual, while also bringing the opposing elements and opposing qualities to prevent accumulation—of a quality, element, or dosha—and imbalance.
For example, vata types love new experiences and they will feel stifled without them. Still, if they are only drawn to new things, it may be challenging for them to commit or establish roots and the air element will build and rise.
Pitta types are goal-oriented people and feel most like themselves when they can check tasks off their to-do list—if they aren’t productive enough, they won’t feel well. Yet, if this productivity becomes overly emphasized or abundant, the pitta dosha and fire element will increase, leaving them at risk of a pitta imbalance.
Kapha types like having routine, as the predictability and steadiness helps them to embrace their earth element. But the very comfort they find with consistency in their day is what will cause them to feel sluggish and heavy and ultimately get stuck.
Though vatas don’t equate relationships with new experiences, pittas aren’t necessarily looking for a relationship that is productive or related to a goal, and kaphas want more from a partnership than a routine, these doshas will relate most to a partner who shares these interests and traits.
At the same time, if they only seek out these similarities, the relationship won’t have enough of the differing qualities to counteract or pacify their dosha and prevent imbalances from occurring.
While it’s true that some doshas may be more or less compatible with other doshas, doshic compatibility is not included in this article. This is because anyone can be in a harmonious and lasting relationship with any constitution.
What’s most important is that each person is playing their part to stay healthy as an individual and within the relationship, and that each is willing to celebrate their partner’s strengths, while also offering them grace in their struggles.
Doshas matter, but self-awareness and relationship-awareness must exist, and so must compassion and a desire to communicate and grow.
Vatas in Relationship
What Vata Needs
This is the dosha of ether and air, elements that give rise to vata’s creativity and love of change, but also lend to vata’s tendency to become ungrounded and unsettled.
Vata needs a relationship that can bring spontaneity into their life, yet it must be coupled with guidance and structure to help keep them balanced—something they struggle with if left to their own devices.
Open communication, signs of affection, reminders of relationship security, combined with space to explore and be their unique self, are the biggest requirements for vatas in relationships.
What Vata Contributes
Vatas love to try new things, thus they bring an open mind, a bubbly enthusiasm, and a sense of adventure to relationships.
The mobility that the air element provides means they are more versed at being able to let things go and move on. Rather than allowing issues or disagreements to fester and build resentment, this encourages forgiveness in a relationship.
It’s all of these attributes that give vata strength, providing a partnership with fun, spirit, a lighthearted attitude, and an ability to bring a fresh perspective.
Vata’s Love Language
Vatas tend to show their love and affection with words, thanks to the air and ether elements that rule the realm of the mind. Whether spoken or written, such as with a card, letter, or text message, vatas most often express their words of affirmation, admiration, and love through verbal communication.
Pitta in Relationship
What Pitta Needs
As they are the constitution of fire and water, pittas need a relationship that is as passionate as they are. They take interest in relationships with those who are goal-oriented, committed to always doing their best, and someone who can carry out a healthy debate.
While they desire this focus and drive, and even require it to feel fulfilled, they also need a partnership with a soft and playful side to counter their intensity and keep them from taking themselves too seriously.
What Pitta Contributes
A pitta acts as the relationship rudder, as they are willing to lead and take on responsibilities. They are especially good at planning, organizing, and making decisions, which helps to cultivate a relationship that feels safe, reliable, and protected.
Along with these strengths, pitta brings a bright and charismatic spark, helping to always keep the relationship passionate and fiery.
Pitta’s Love Language
Pittas like to give gifts. While it could be helping you with a project or teaching you a new skill, it’s most typically something physical, tangible, and thoughtful. They might surprise you with a new sweater you were admiring, the new shoes you desperately needed, or a gift card to your favorite coffee shop.
Kapha in Relationship
What Kapha Needs
While the water and earth elements cause kapha to desire steadiness and certainty in a relationship, a partnership that is most balancing to them will also encourage lightness and mobility.
They seek someone that can give them comfort through deep connection and commitment, and a relationship that’s drama-free and filled with ease.
And while they need someone who can keep them from getting stuck, their partner must be patient and gentle, as kaphas are naturally slow and don’t like to be pushed.
What Kapha Contributes
A relationship with a kapha is filled with love and care. With their inherent ability to nurture and be of service to others, they’ll always make sure their partner and relationship have the support that’s necessary to thrive.
You can count on kaphas to be loyal, dedicated, and endlessly loving, making for a relationship that’s secure and long-lasting.
Kapha’s Love Language
Kaphas show you they love you and care for you with both physical affection and with generous acts of service. They’re just as likely to pull you in for a big hug as they are to invite you over for a big, nourishing feast.